On the hunt … for wedding pitfalls

By Summer Stanley | Photo by Michael and Carina Photography

It was over a decade ago when I said yes to the dress. Bursting with the excitement of a newly engaged bride, this simple checklist was years in the making: proposal from Mr. Right, find gorgeous dress, document the event with amazing photographs. The rest would fall into place, right?

We were young professionals and expert bargain hunters and determined to pull off a moderate and meaningful wedding celebration with close family and friends in just six months without breaking the bank. Six months was by no means rushing in — after all, we had already been together for many years and like most girls, I already had some ideas about what that day would look like!

Pinterest didn’t exist in 2006, but no sweat — I had stacks of bridal magazines and years of friends’ weddings as a guide to tailor my own. In a sea of strapless gowns, I wanted straps. I was so fixated on this detail that I looked past dozens of others I could have considered.

Still, determination led me to find my dream dress, adorned with just the right amount of sparkling tulle, Italian satin and — by gosh — straps! Only there was one small problem — it was off the rack, discontinued and about three sizes too large.

“No problem,” said the saleswoman as she pinned it to show me what it would look like after alterations. Staring at my reflection, I asked myself what was I willing to spend on this gown, which was already well above what I thought was reasonable for a single-use dress. OK, so there were two small problems.

I left the shop without buying but didn’t give up. Later that night, I found the same dress on eBay, new with tags, at a fraction of the cost! Only there was another small problem — it was now four sizes too large. Blinded by love, one has irrational thoughts.

For what I was saving, I decided I could pay someone to alter it just like the nice lady showed me at the bridal shop. Eager to check it off my list with only a few short months to go, I was all in. Not having the luxury of a wedding planner, we handled most tasks ourselves, which meant there was still plenty to finalize.

Weeks later, I had a dress that wasn’t perfect, but it fit me better than it had before thanks to an amateur seamstress who gave me a great deal. I sashayed and twirled around my apartment, with buttercream dreams of a June wedding.

It was just as I’d imagined it would be. We were hitched without a hitch!

It was time to secure a photographer. Having the wedding in rural Virginia meant fewer options, but the decision would be easier with less to compare. Digital wedding photography was still relatively new at the time, but we were enticed by the idea of owning our images to make as many prints as we wanted.

We found someone who had photographed a family member’s wedding years before, but what he lacked in creativity was made up for in kindness and flexibility. He was more experienced with film photography, but happy to do digital in order for us to have that disc, at a cost much less than his competitors.

Oh sure, I looked at the outdated and traditional sample albums, but still felt convinced that our long-anticipated wedding would be captured in the most beautiful and epic way. After all, it was “us” and the lifestyle photography of today hadn’t swept the industry just yet.

On our wedding day, I slipped on the dress, after not having tried it on in a few weeks. Somewhere between all the stress of planning and moving into a new place, I had lost weight. The dress was embarrassingly roomy, gaping and awkward, but I chose to shrug it off and focus on the reason for the day, which was to get married and enjoy all that we had prepared for months.

It was just as I’d imagined it would be. We were hitched without a hitch! We carried that joy with us throughout the honeymoon and back home, and I could not wait another minute to see those photos.

I remember opening the proof album, looking silently at the overexposed and unedited images with my new husband, and then going to another room to try to hide my disappointment.

While I can’t pretend I wasn’t devastated at the time or that I didn’t talk about it ad nauseam to anyone willing to listen, I did come to understand it was my story, and there were worse things that could have happened. We came away with an abundance of happy memories and a few favorite photographs that will always be special and irreplaceable.

Time has healed the regrets and replaced them with many blessings. I have faith, family and health, which is far more than I’ll ever need. Still, in hindsight it’s clear to see the mistakes and what could have been done differently to prevent these three particular pitfalls.

Spend where it counts:
The old saying is true — you get what you pay for. You don’t have to spend a fortune to get married, and I would never encourage going into debt to achieve the wedding of your dreams if it’s not affordable. In my case, the dress and the photography were more important to me than other aspects, but I didn’t realize it until it was too late.

Make sure you understand (and stay focused on) the things that are most important to you. Set aside a “reserve” early on in the event you need to spend a little more on these areas of personal value.

Fit matters:
Don’t underestimate the flattery of well-fitted attire. Not just for the bride and groom, but for the entire wedding party. It goes without saying no one wants to either suffocate or worry about a wardrobe malfunction on such an important day.

Whatever style suits you, make sure it’s the correct size and that a trusted professional makes any alterations. Don’t forgo a final fitting to catch any last-minute adjustments that need to be made.

Hire professionals:
These days it seems like everyone is a photographer. While it can be tempting to save money in this area because someone you know takes impressive photos in their spare time, at least make sure they have photographed enough weddings to get an idea of what yours will look like. For our wedding, we had a part-time photographer, but didn’t know it at the time.

Looking back, we should have been warned that taking afternoon photos in direct sunlight wasn’t ideal, but instead we had plenty of squinting and unwanted shadows. Decide on your preferred style by doing your research and ask questions in advance!

So, what is it about a wedding that manages to strike a chord in a way that leaves lasting impressions? For obvious reasons, it’s something many of us dream about from the time we’re very young. It’s a major life event that deserves to hold a place on the top shelf of our memory.

Realistically, it’s driven by the immense pressure brides place on themselves to achieve unattainable perfection, not to mention the social pressures to please others. Which traditions to incorporate, who we ask or don’t ask to participate, who we invite or do not invite … these things have the ability to cause family drama, drive wedges between friends, and now they’re all on public display, thanks to social media.

I recently flipped through my parents’ wedding album. It was over 40 years ago and there were only a few dozen pictures in the book. It’s funny that I didn’t really notice the 70s clothing at first, but instead the grandparents who are no longer with us, and my mother’s young smile radiating from a joy-filled celebration. I think that’s what our own children will notice when they look at our photographs years from now. ML